My Faith, My Story
“There is a story of an overcomer inside of you.” - Unknown
This is how a series of unexpected events changed and shaped my life; finding peace, believing in myself and learning to love from within despite adversity and fear. From all of these seasons I have a newfound quiet within my soul, and peace within my home.
Many of you know me for who I am today on Instagram, Shop the Farm, or even locally, since I owned a brick-and-mortar store for 15 years. You may also know of me as an Interior Designer (30+ years), or perhaps through a friend or family member.
Even with all of these outlets of inspiration I’ve been pouring into, many of you don’t know my true soul - my heart and my story. Today I’m sharing my faith-filled journey from a new perspective, and a new me. It almost feels like sharing someone else’s story, and in some ways, I am.
I don’t presume to know another person’s journey; I only know mine. But by sharing my story, it may resonate with another person and help them feel a little less alone. I’ve learned that life is full of struggles: We can let them define us or grow stronger by facing them.
Despite each setback (and many pity parties), I became stronger and more determined to prove to myself and our situation that I wouldn’t let it get the best of me. I dug my heels in a little deeper and set out to solve the problem. It didn’t always work, but there were times when it did. Those moments pushed me to go on, believe in myself, and lean into my faith.
My Daily Rituals
By starting and ending each day with God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, I’ve found a new sense of balance. I trust in my faith and believe we have designated spirit guides and guardian angels among us. I lost many family members early on, which changed my life and how I chose to see the world around me; I’ve learned to listen to “whispers” and divine signs to guide me. But I’ve also been blessed to experience many miracles along the way, which I’ll save for future posts.
My faith moved me through the darkest years, and continues to give me strength I never knew I had—the kind of strength gained by moving through pain and loss. Trials and tribulations come in many forms; when you least expect it, life can turn upside down. Setbacks you never dreamed of can not only happen, but linger for years.
This is exactly what happened to our family: I thought I lived in my forever home; my husband was the third-generation owner of a family business, and I had a thriving business I loved. My own venture was a significant part of the community; we belonged to local organizations and enjoyed beautiful vacations with our family. That was until my life wasn’t any of those things anymore. Unlike losing a parent, it was another level of pain—one that would test my faith beyond limitations. But there’s no need to blame anyone for the disappointments along the way, or try to justify the devastating setbacks.
My Story - A Condensed Timeline:
In 2012, my entire world began coming apart at the seams. Everything I knew, loved, and felt comfortable with was changing, and I was terrified of the unknown. Our own businesses, our family's businesses, and our livelihoods would crumble—something that no amount of prayers could change.
Believe me, I tried—I screamed at God and tried to convince Him that He was making a mistake. I thought I knew best, reminding Him of all I had lost when I was younger and the heartache I endured. It didn’t seem fair.
How could I explain this to our children? I was so ashamed. (By the way, my children are exceptional and were much stronger than I gave them credit for at the time.) I remember one of my lowest moments, curled up on the closet floor and crying from the deepest part of my soul: Why couldn’t I grasp the magnitude of our devastating setbacks?
How would we get through this? I couldn’t help but think of all the many people who depended on me, and I was falling apart. In my journal, I furiously wrote every bit of the pain and the news we received daily. Life as we knew it was slowly slipping away.
I reached out to a friend who had been through a similar situation but now lived a seemingly beautiful life. How did she do it? How did she find the courage to push through the painful changes? “Baby steps”, she said, taking life one day at a time. It took months and even years to grasp what she told me.
Fast forward to five years of ongoing work to save what I thought was our lives. But was it? During this time, we ended up selling and closing all our businesses. We also sold what I thought was our “forever” home and ended our monthly memberships and extracurricular hobbies. Vacations ceased, and life as we knew it came to a screeching halt. Inside, I was a wreck: How could I be a good wife, mother, and friend? Surrounded by so much darkness, I couldn’t even find myself.
Later, my husband launched a new business, and we moved to our current home for a fresh start. After all, we gave up everything, right? I threw myself back into my design work with a few all-consuming projects underway. At the same time, we were in the middle of a home renovation. Things seemed hopeful, and I’m still praying for a miracle!
When you’re feeling down and not in alignment with God, you let people into your life who take advantage of you; at the time, you don’t even realize it. My husband and I were both busy; we hired (and trusted) a new team for our renovation. But they took advantage of us, and we faced another significant setback.
Why, God—What have we done to deserve this? I’m an honest person and a good person who lives in faith. Why was I being tested again and failing miserably? I began isolating myself from my friends—making excuses for why we couldn’t meet for dinner, go shopping, or take a vacation. Meeting friends for lunch and hearing about their “perfect” lives was challenging. The darkness overtook me: I was feeling sorry for myself, and I slept a lot when possible.
I did my best to stay present for my husband and children, providing them with everything they needed. But I neglected myself—There wasn’t any “me” time. Still, I knew I had to work hard to get through this.
Why were our lives so hard when everyone else’s seemed wonderful? Had God forgotten me? My prayers weren’t answered—or were they? Despite darkness and pain, I kept my faith and believed in a better path. I awoke from a dream that significantly shifted my life: as clear as day, I heard, “You will rise from the ashes like the Phoenix.” It was a sign.
I gathered all my journals from 2008 to date, said a prayer of release, and burned them. I needed to free myself from the pain I was carrying. “Baby steps,” I remembered my beautiful, wise friend saying. I dug deeply within myself and got to know myself; in fact, I wasn't sure I had ever really known myself.
I had a good marriage, two beautiful children, and a wonderful family. I looked around my home for inspiration and healing: God and my home were there all along, waiting for me to see and appreciate them.
The next few years would be my saving grace. For the first time, I surrendered to God and trusted in Him 100%. By nature, I’m a doer, a hard worker, and always creative. But I humbly gave it all to God without trying to control any aspect of my life. Our journey had been challenging; I was exhausted but ready for God’s help and excited to see what would develop. I found a new daily rhythm regarding home, life, and faith. I had fantastic design projects underway and knew they were in God’s hands. I could see positive signs and knew that angelic spirits were always with us. My heart felt bigger and lighter: I began to love life again, regained a love of home, and had new dreams.
Little did we know that by 2020, the entire world would face a devastating virus. Life as we knew it would change yet again. At the start of the pandemic, my husband closed his business. Everything shifted, but it allowed something beautiful to happen. We were ready for a change in our lives and to take a leap of faith. I had been holding a dream inside and asked God if it was the right time for it to come true: I wanted to create a vintage pop-up store called Shop the Farm in our garage. I needed a partner and couldn’t think of anyone better for the role than my husband.
SHOP THE FARM
My dreams have many phases, and Shop The Farm is the first. I’m so grateful for our incredible response, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds. At one point, I didn’t think I could share my story before reaching the other side of the clearing. I haven’t yet reached the so-called “other side.” That’s OK: I no longer walk with fear but with faith. No one’s journey is necessarily a straight line; sometimes, it helps to know that others are on a similar path.
We’re not “out of the woods,” so to speak. Each day is a challenge to recover and continue rebuilding our lives. But I’m giving it over to God, and I trust that He will provide. In tough times, we must keep the faith and endure. That’s how we see the light within ourselves.
As I wrote this story, tears of joy came to my eyes. I realize how far I’ve come and remind myself to keep going. I used to call everything we’ve been through the “perfect storm”—a hurricane that destroyed everything in its path. Today, I see that it was part of God’s plan to get us to where we are now and to help strengthen our faith. I no longer think, “Why me?” Instead, I thank God for giving me armor in my time of need and for opening my eyes and soul to what truly matters.
